Why do Jews put stones on graves?

A sign of the visit

The early sources on visiting graves mention placing grass or a pebble on the grave, as a sign of honour for the dead and that the grave was visited. A stone is permanent, fitting the eternal soul, while flowers fade.

The Bible

Jacob “set up a pillar on Rachel’s grave” (Genesis 35:20), and graves were marked with stones so that people – especially kohanim – would know where they were. Adding a stone continues the building of the monument.

Other explanations

Some see the stone as holding the soul’s presence in the world, others as a reminder of the shepherd’s stones counting sheep, or as a symbol that memory endures. These are later folk explanations.

When to visit

Common times are the end of the shiva and the thirty days, the yahrzeit, and the month of Elul before Rosh Hashanah. After leaving a cemetery, hands are washed.

Visiting the grave

Visitors often recite Psalms – Psalm 33, 16, 17, 72, 91, 104 and 130 are customary – and the letters of the deceased’s name from Psalm 119. A short prayer (El Malei Rachamim) is said, and Kaddish if there is a minyan. Kohanim do not enter the cemetery except for the burial of close relatives.

Flowers?

In many communities flowers are not placed on Jewish graves, as the money is better given to charity in memory of the deceased. In some Western and Israeli communities flowers are common; there is no prohibition.